Runaway

I want to move away....
start a new job a new life, new people, new experiences...
where no one knows who I am. Where I can just peacefully get by and live life
until it ends

Anxiety, Fear, & Panic

Its the fear that the ordinary person doesn't have or doesn't really understand
the fear of getting up to use the bathroom during a concert and being able to find your way back on your own without panicking or having the fear of getting lost. I know it goes much deeper than this... but this is what's been on my mind

Depression

Wondering why I woke up and feel like such a shitball, when I have no reason too. Fighting my own demons inside of my head trying to tell myself that they're not real. but to psyche myself out and to keep moving and to keep pushing forward to make it through the day without leaving, or busting out into tears. Not being able to make sense of what goes on inside of my head at times or why I feel the way that I do when I know so much people have it well way off worse then what I do...

Thoughts...

I don't know where my mind is half of the time, it wanders so far away...It gets away from me, and I don't even know where it begins. I hope one day I can focus and take things as they come without getting overwhelmed, or stressed. I am so glad I'm in a much better place than what I used to be, but lately it seems like my anti-depressant is less effective. I know I'm not defective but it feels like it at times especially when you've been on all sorts of medicine and none of it works well with your body. I know anyone who takes SSRI's to help with their anxiety/depression or etc. knows exactly what I am talking about... I tried several different meds before this one worked and now I'm wondering what else is out there that I could possibly try and afford... I guess I'm just going to keep hoping for the best and continue to hope it goes away. I read self-help books for inspiration, and do some dialectical behavioral therapy which can be helpful. I'm not going to give up.

(no subject)

I had a really nice birthday today. I went to dinner and had a few drinks. I wanted more than a few drinks but I'm glad I was able to stop myself. Normally it's pretty hard for me. Anyways I hope everyone else is having a good night out there. :)

How today is...

I feel like absolute shit, and I just want to go home and go to bed, or drink a cold one :) lol that always makes me feel better. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not at my lowest low, but I feel it approaching. I miss how I used to feel so good inside, and now I'm just an emotional mess. I pray to God I feel better soon.